Life2- Can't sit still

As soon as I graduated college, my plan was to attend Medical School. An interesting thing about my mindset is, although I obsessively plan every moment of my current life and also the next 5-7 years in extreme detail, I have to re-evaluate and adjust this whole process every 5 months or so b/c things do always go as planned. If you go back and re-read that last sentence, as I just did, I realize that I wrote "do always go" where i meant to type "don't always go". This is uber symbolic YALL. I know things haven't been going according to my plan, but what do I know about life, really? I know God knows my plan and thank goodness b/c if I was truly in charge of my future...well LAWD ONLY KNOWS.

As soon as I moved to NOLA, aka lived as a squatter at Taylor's house. ---She's the most selfless human being in the world and let me stay there until I landed my apartment in which i currency reside.

Can I just do a side note on how I have to actually think to capitalize my "i's" on this format. When I type in Word they automatically capitalize them for you....ugh....blogger...geeze. Blogging isn't a chore for me, however, so some "I's" may be capped and some may not. I don't really care all that much. Well, I do, b/c that is me, but not enough to go back and switch it up. BACK TO THE ACTUAL BLOG NOW LAWD.

When I got to NOLA i met with the medical school and received some not super positive news about my qualifications to be accepted. So I did what any person who has dreamed of getting into medical school her whole life would do. I held it together until the meeting was over and then cried in the car and totally freaked Taylor out **insert cry laughing emoji**. Sorry about that Tay.

This was Tay and I in the car before I cried everywhere.

It's hard to hear that you aren't good enough for something. Especially so, when you've worked so hard for so many years trying to be just that - good enough. Nobody is trying to Beyonce over here, okay? Skipping out on family events, football games, friend's parties and other random things so that I could stay at home (PJ's if I'm being honest) and study instead had became expected of me in both HS and college. I complained, of course, but it was that important to me to be able to succeed at my schooling. Nobody wants a pediatrician who didn't ace all her undergrad exams, right? It wasn't until I made the leap for my Australia trip that I began to appreciate and not feel guilty for doing crazy awesome things and then also being okay with only reaching for a "passing grade" in my courses. **DISCLAIMER: my study abroad courses were only going on transcript as pass or fail. didn't hurt the precious and all mighty GPA**.

Now, this is actual my third time to be rejected from all this jazz - two official and this verbal one. Why is that so embarrassing for me to state? Ambitious Brooke circa 2009 had thoughts of graduating college early and going straight into med school. **LOL AT PAST SELF** Instead of that happening, I had a killer senior year of college and made great memories with friends, learned a new skill (pharmacy technician), and took super interesting classes and, overall, enjoyed my time in BR. Instead of beginning med school that next year, I traveled the world and learned more about myself as a person and all that I could really accomplish on my own - and then took EVEN MORE classes. All good things, right? I even tried to apply while studying abroad. **Granted, my secondary applications didn't get to the schools in time because I was mailing from Australia and apparently miscalculated international mail. **pats self on back sarcastically.** The third instance was six months after my return from Aus. I had a meeting with a dean who gave me less-than-positive news regarding my qualifications. He basically told me not to bother, but in the nicest way possible.

Those two years were also filled with health concerns for both of my siblings. I like to think it was also a blessing that I was not accepted so that I could be around more and not have the stress of med school on top of that. I was able to run to Houston on weekends and any time my family really needed me. Thankfully, they are both super humans and will be welcoming the new year with a clean bill of health, more or less. Those experiences take a toll on the body. Kayla is pursuing her passion of makeup (and such things that I have zero knowledge of) and Mark and I just did a 5k last week!

That third time was extra rough one for me. Who can't get in after THREE YEARS of extra effort? I had done everything they asked. I spent tons of time writing and re-writing my personal statement to perfection **shoutout to Karen**, took a challenging course load, got certifications, had leadership experience in a non-profit, did volunteer work with many different organizations, worked my entire undergrad career, had a major life learning experience, spent years in a biology lab, took the MCAT a handful of times, shadowed physicians, and visited the schools and met with the Deans. My GPA isn't exactly a 4.0, but damn, give ya sistah a break, nah mean? What else should I do?

Needless to say the ceiling of my dreams shattered that day and, yes, I was super dramatic about everything. You know when this really creepy dude is like, "hey, I've always liked you. Want to go on a date with me." and you're like, "ehh no, I'm not really interested in you." But he is super persistent, and instead of it coming across as endearing and showing true dedication it just gets more creepy and almost sad? Yeah, that is what I imagine these schools feel about me.

Them: "Gah, I wish this girl would just take a hint, she's gotta realize we don't have to "wash our hair" every-time we are supposed to meet up, right? She's gotta have figured that out."

Well, this time I figured it out. I accepted it and tried to move on. Hey, Brooke, You've always wanted to live in New Orleans. Just do it anyway. Cool, sounds gucci.

First weekend of my new NOLA life

So I did just that. I got an apartment, two jobs, and spent a ton of time with family and friends over the past five months. Most importantly, guess what I didn't do.....STUDY. It was weird as Hell.

beignet festival

Becca and Brooke killing the bartending game

First time my name was on the schedule at "The Mill"

Chillen at Friends with the MawMaw

this girl is getting engaged!

Snapshot from my runs at Audubon Park

My Dad and boss (both named Chris and wearing exact same thing)

Voodoo

This patriot came to NOLA but had to represent at the same time

I met meeko on Bourbon but this grumpy giraffe ruined our pic

My life goal of being pocahontas became actual life

I met this guy (stalked him down) bc i thought his costume was just that awesome.

Reunited with my BR family and roomie4life that day

Met Mikie. yes, this is an important life event.

5k with the bro

hour 8,000 of overtime at my urgent care job

MHM work party with my fav coworkers

eating "electric chair food" with the birthday girl

when friends let you hang out with their dogs and you bout piss yourself with happiness

Ashley and I being fancy people on a terrace overlooking the city

I was doing "fun" things but found myself taking random physiology or anatomy quizzes online in my free time. My future was still up in the air when Dr. Porche came and spoke with me one evening after a long shift at work in the urgent care. I still don't think this guy knows the impact on my life he had but he basically came up and told me not to give up, that he can see me being a physician one day, that I have what it takes, and to not let what other people tell you determine what you strive for. He was going to help me look into places and we were going to make this happen. There are some great people on this earth, I tell ya. I was even more of an emotional mess that night. Why did I give up so easily? Why am I settling? Am I going to keep going after this? UMM DUH HELL YEAH I AM. It was just the kick in the ass I needed to reinstate my vigor for the hopes of becoming a pediatrician and being able to help little kids all day errrrrrr'day. I may be 30 yo by the time that actually happens but at least I'll have no regrets.

My killer planner that I'm completely obsessed with.

The new news is that I move to Clinton, MS to begin classes for a Masters of Medical Science program at Mississippi College in about 3 weeks. Three cheers for Brooke not being able to stay in one location for more than 5 months.

It will practically be a program of intent. I'll be taking challenging "medical school level" classes and beasting them in order to prove to medical school programs that i can handle the workload. I believe its the only program in the nation that offers the shelf exam after completion of such a program?? I'm really excited that I got accepted and will be back chasing my dreams. I'm not as pumped about living in Mississippi or the copious loads of debt that will be adding to my name OR having to stop being a medical assistant to some kick-ass providers OR leaving my job as a bartender at the best bar evah, but hey. I'll find new exciting things to gush over and enjoy. I'm sure of it.

12/4/16

#Life #Louisiana